My sister, Jill, consistently and always gave the impression of humility. It was not an act. She was not one of these people who had created a mask to hide pride. She was genuinely, at her center, concerned with others.
I moved to Nowata in 2015 with a wife and two dogs. Jill had been connected with the church in the past, having raised her younger son in the community of faith. However, in recent years, she had not been as active as she had been in those days. After an invitation from some friends at the church who had decided it was time for her to return, she started attending worship again.
Jill was a lover of music. In the past, she had sung in the choir. For reasons that were never fully clear to me, she had decided that the best part for her was not soprano or alto, but tenor. I, too, was a tenor, which meant that she and I often sat near each other in choir practice. She was eager to laugh, eager to forgive me when I hit a wrong note.
Early in my tenure, I hosted a bible study. Jill attended. I will never forget how powerfully affected she was as we read through James together. The book is only five chapters long. After we had made it through a couple chapters, she couldn’t contain her excitement about the book anymore. We began an evening study session and she immediately went into how rewarding it had been to read and understand the book on that deeper level for the first time in her life. Bonding together over the love of God’s scriptures brought an intimacy that got us through several hard stages over the following years.
Origin Story
Jill spent the vast majority of her life in Nowata, even having been born in the hospital here. Her father, Jack Southall, was a well-known and well-liked veteran and former NFL athlete. Her mother, “Strick,” was also widely known and liked. While Jill was in high school, her father decided to become a veterinarian and moved the family to Rogers, Arkansas for a couple of years while he attended the required schooling. Jill moved back to Nowata with the family as her father came back to start his veterinary practice. He gave her space in his office after she graduated high school so that she could make money as a beautician.
Hairdressing eventually gave her carpal tunnel, so she went to school to become a licensed practical nurse (LPN). She was married soon after high school to Bob, who served in the US military. The two of them had a son together and actually lived for a time in Germany during a deployment. It was not always a happy marriage, eventually ending in divorce.
Jill met Chris while working at Hays House, a local 24-hour care facility for mentally disabled folks. The two of them fell in love and made a home together in Nowata. Jill had her second son in these years. Both boys grew up going to Nowata Public Schools. Both knew their mother loved them, and that their mother was largely liked by the town around them.
Jill served the community as a nurse for decades of her life. She touched quite literally thousands of lives as she gave vaccinations and basic care to people who came in to the Will Rogers Health Center, a Cherokee-operated clinic in Nowata. She visited folks in their homes and set up special clinics around town.
Jill’s Faith Life
As an infant, she was initiated into the Christian faith through baptism at the local Presbyterian church. Even so, she did not stay involved in that church very far into adulthood. For one reason or another, while her second son, Joseph, was quite young, she began attending the United Methodist church. It was then that she began singing in the choir. She let the church minister to her high-energy son while she ministered to the assembly through music and praise. I never learned the exact reason she stopped attending. She tried to find another spiritual home in the community, but nothing worked out. When she finally started attending again in 2015, it was like coming home. She was, from then on, in many ways, our most committed member.
I say that because she built her life around the church, its people, its ministries. My wife and I, as Methodists, have made small accountability groups a priority in all of our ministry settings. We began a co-ed group in 2016, which eventually cratered under the weight of people refusing to really authentically be vulnerable to one another, many of whom scandalized our church by falling away from the faith. Soon after, my wife salvaged what was left by hosting a women’s group. Jill was one of the few who persisted from the original group into what became a very robust women’s ministry. She maintained even when almost everyone was gone.
It is a hard thing to share one’s life with the church. Most people maintain a lot of dysfunction that they are not eager to conclude. Whether we are talking about a drug dependency, bad financial decisions, self-destructive behaviors, unholy friendships or relationships…all these things are eventually exposed when one walks in faith alongside others. Over the years, Jill shared many of her burdens with her sisters in Christ, who in turn not only prayed for her, but who helped her solve many problems. There were times in which she was defensive or protective, as all natural people would be. Even so, something I would say for her that I cannot say for many others is that she consistently, earnestly, let the church be the church to her.
God’s Faithfulness
Jill’s final years were hard. Normal financial and employment concerns added a good deal of stress to her life. Her sisters at the church often tried to help her, but many times all that could really be done was to pray for her, to hug her, to worship alongside her. The last year, in particular, was hard. She had to switch employers, going back to Hays House, working nights. Her eyesight was deteriorating, and seeing at night or early morning was difficult. Her sleep/work schedule eventually so strained her that she was often unsure what time or day it was. Even so, she somehow managed consistent attendance at worship and discipleship groups. I honestly do not know how she did it.
Much of Jill’s adult life was spent loving people who struggled mightily. She was naturally inclined to care for others, and this only increased with her Christian faith. She intentionally spent time listening to people that many others avoid. A local mentally-ill woman told me that Jill had once set aside a good deal of time to listen to her talk about her struggles, eventually giving her a ring that had been emotionally significant to her. It had powerfully affected her, for obvious reasons. Not everyone has the energy to deal with messy people. Jill did.
Jill’s husband and sons did not always do well at every stage of life. Each had their own struggles. Yet she did not escalate or exacerbate tensions, nor did she draw lines in the sand. She consistently left the door open for healing and change. Despite her struggle and suffering in the last years of her life, those years were also marked by healing and restoration in the lives of her husband and two sons. I have no doubt this was achieved by the hand of God because of her fervent prayer life and consistent kenotic love toward them.
Jill’s prayers were answered in a husband who made peace with enemies, found honest employment with good folks, and found his way back into the church. They were answered in healthy sons, raising healthy children alongside faithful helpmates. They were answered in three gentle men who were able to mourn together and will now build up their families and communities alongside one another. God was faithful to Jill, as he has been to all his children.
My friend died peacefully in her sleep on November 7, last month. Her husband woke early and kissed her before heading to work, discovering that his beloved wife had passed overnight. He called on his sons and their families, who then came together in a sweetness that I have not seen in many families around death. They were, of course, surprised by the sudden passing. Even so, they did not snap at one another or say passive-aggressive things. They were earnest in their appeals for my prayer and help, especially as we honored Jill’s legacy at the church’s funeral service for her. Her husband, so long estranged from the church, has chosen to honor his wife by attending worship every Sunday with his son since her passing. It has been a wonderful thing to see such humility.
Jill’s Legacy
I knew I needed to write all this out because Jill made a large impact on my personal faith. Jill taught me about limitation and about transformation. Her humility was a constant and needed correction to my pride. Her kindness was a faithful correction to my harshness. I am 100% certain that I said and did things over the years that affronted her. She did not bark or bite. She suffered the slings and arrows of shared religious life where many would have dropped out or quietly quit. Among coworkers that harbored unforgiving hearts or tore down others, she was a true friend, urging repentance and forgiveness. She served as this consistent public witness, not because she was paid to do so or because she had a public face to maintain, but because she genuinely believed that the contents of the Christian scriptures were true. The simplicity of her faith and the constancy of her friendship to her spiritual family are in short supply nowadays. She was gently countercultural in her behavior. The world has been deprived of a remarkable woman.
Almost daily, I rejoice in the blessings of small town, small church ministry. If I were in a large church and/or a city with people of high status, I would not know the joy of walking hand-in-hand with salt of the earth people. Over the years, I have gotten to spend prolonged periods of time with Jill, alongside dozens of other people who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Jill is not the first true sister in the faith that has passed into glory before me. I have had the joy of knowing many who share in the same true faith as Jill. I have been profoundly honored to officiate their funeral services, to God’s glory. It is such a personal, intimate, and meaningful thing. As I bless their memories, I, too, am blessed. It is, of course, in giving that we receive. And in a small community, where people are known, the example of folks like Jill greatly encourages the faith of others who knew her and worshiped alongside her for years.
There was one primary biblical text used at Jill’s funeral. I would offer it here as a closing reflection on the life of a woman that I’m going to miss very much:
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”
-Luke 6:27-36
Jill, I’ll look forward to seeing you again on the other side. May God bless your memory here among the living.
What a lovely tribute to Diane! She obviously touched everyone she met. A life filled with giving, not absent of mishaps and disappointments, endured the struggles many of us face. Thank you for sharing her with us.