Christians Should Die Better
A pastor's reflections on something American culture is doing very poorly
A couple months ago, Justin Dillehay through The Gospel Coalition published an article entitled ‘Cremation or Burial: Does Our Choice Matter?’ I highly recommend this article. While Dillehay acknowledges that there is no direct biblical instruction on the matter, and that it is not a salvation issue, he is simultaneously clear for various reasons that Christians do not cremate their dead, but lovingly bury them. The reasons for this are theological and historical. I wish I could somehow get all Christians to read this article. If you haven’t already, I hope you will make the time to do so.
Because the thing is that people in my culture do a lot of things without thinking about them. Folks are too busy looking at screens to think proactively or critically about many things. When death finally comes for a loved one, we are often unprepared and overwhelmed with emotion. Mourning loved ones go to the funeral home and simply do what they are told, whatever is most commonly practiced, whatever they did for the last death in the family.
As a pastor, I have often been frustrated to learn that there are no funds set aside by the deceased or their family for the eventual death. Moreover, even within the household of God, instructions from the dearly departed rarely reflect much real thought or faith. All of these decisions are often made at the last minute by people who aren’t entirely sure what the deceased person wanted or what the biblical principles at play are. Some say they anticipate Christ’s return prior to their death, so there is no need to make such plans. That is just silly. We don’t know when he is coming back. Be responsible with the time given you.
More often than not, as pastor, I am simply called and told what will be done after the family has met with the funeral home. Friends, this ought not be so. Especially within the membership of Christ’s church on earth, each man and woman should be practically prepared for their own deaths, and all decisions should be made with the faith as the primary concern. This is not a fictitious or scandalous thing for Christian leaders to expect.
There are a number of things, as a pastor who has watched hundreds of families go through this, that I wish folks would consider about death and dying. Every single adult should do the things I have listed below. Most folks see themselves as too busy, or they are in denial, or they simply avoid these realities. For worldly people, I understand why they would be reluctant to deal with death: it is going to mark a transition into a terrible eternity for them. But Christians, every single adult believer, should have these things covered. Christians have no reason to avoid conversations about death unless they are persisting in unrepentant sin, in which case there is a much more important conversation that needs to be had: Brother or sister, you need to repent. Now.
Some Practical Things To Do
If you are walking in faith and prepared for eternity with your Creator, then below is a list of important things to do or decide before your body fails:
You need to have already managed the specifics of your funeral and burial. Meet with the pastor that you want to do the funeral service, coordinating the particulars of the funeral service he will oversee. Do not plan a “Celebration of Life,” but instead, if you are a believer, have a funeral. Funerals do not make people pretend to be happy. They allow folks to mourn a loss. Moreover, they are religious services, focused on God. In the face of death, people’s minds need to be on God first, then the dearly departed, then those left behind, in that order. Make sure your death facilitates that. The best gift your death can offer someone else is an opportunity for them to reflect on the reality of their own impending death in light of who God is.
After a preliminary meeting with your pastor, meet with the funeral home you intend to use. Confirm that they will follow the protocols that are important to you at the time of your death. I will talk about some of these things that you will want to cover below. You can go ahead and purchase the plots at the cemetery where you want to be buried. Make sure the cemetery at which you are buried can accommodate the specifics of how you want to be buried (a few details below).
Depending on where you are looking at being buried and what funeral homes in the area can offer, you may be limited. Tons of funeral homes have now been bought out by big corporate chains. While they might keep the name from when they were locally-owned, they are often owned by a huge corporation. They have their way that they do things, which may or may not align with the desires of the people they serve. It is worth taking the time to find funeral homes and cemeteries that will honor your wishes, rather than being backed into a corner by limited options. Doing all these things last-minute, by the way, is a great way to get taken advantage of.
You need to get a will or trust in place right now, no matter what age you are. It is so sad and stressful for a family when they have to figure out what to do with your stuff without any instructions. It regularly causes fighting and alienation, greed and jealousy. Go ahead and figure it all out. Update it every few years until you die, if Christ doesn’t come first.
You need to get life insurance, especially if you are young. If that isn’t an option for some reason, you need to have funds set aside for the cost of a funeral. I recommend $15,000. That way, there will almost certainly be some left over to bless whoever is left behind.
Below is a video my wife and I recorded a couple of years ago, detailing the process we went through to establish our trust. You might consider watching it if you have not yet gone through this process:
A Little Interesting History
The early church was known for the dignity with which they treated those who died. Whereas only the rich and powerful in Roman society were given much respect at the time of death, Christians gave a proper and somber burial to all believers. Whereas the Romans commonly burned the bodies of their dead, Christians lovingly cared for their bodies, laying them to rest in anticipation of a bodily resurrection. If you are unaware that our bodies will be resurrected, you need to read 1 Corinthians 15. This is a nonnegotiable part of the Christian faith. As Timothy George notes: “Christian gravesites were called coemeteria (cemeteries), which literally means ‘sleeping places,’ reflecting belief in a future resurrection.”
Death was once the province of pastors and churches. When someone died, one of the first people contacted to come handle the body, pray with those mourning, was the pastor. The body was often prepared and kept by the church. All of the funeral and burial arrangements were made by the church. Now that funeral homes have taken over, we have seen pastors and churches pushed to the periphery. Funeral homes maintain lists of ‘pastors’ who preach people into heaven (act as though unrepentant sinners are going to heaven) for a modest honorarium. Meanwhile the culture has effectively ostracized true pastors who will warn people of their sins and call them to repentance. Pastors are generally treated as service-providers for consumers. It is not a good system.
Modern Practices That Should End
As the Dillehay article persuasively said: Christians shouldn’t really cremate our dead. I realize it is common, but just because it is common does not mean it is right.
The practice of embalming is grotesque and should be ended. Yes, it preserves the body for the day of burial, but so does refrigeration. The process of embalming dishonors the bodies and loved ones. The particulars of the procedure are too gross to detail here. It is expensive, artificial, and unnecessary. Americans have only been practicing this since Abraham Lincoln died, when they pumped his cadaver full of chemicals and sent it on a tour around the country. Folks were so impressed that they ordered that their own bodies should be preserved in such a way. The impetus was narcissistic and class-based.
At root here is an inability to reckon with the fact that our bodies decompose. We would rather fill our bodies with chemicals and cover them with makeup than let nature take its course. Right now, in every single one of our bodies, reside bacteria that will suddenly go into action and break down our bodies when we die. This has been the case for all of human history. It is only a few strange cultures that imagine that we will so cleanse the process of death, even burying our bodies in vaults so as to keep them from entering into the ground water. It is we who make these grasslike rugs to cover up the ground exposed by digging the grave. Those blasted rugs have tripped more than one grieving widow. They are a strange fixture in modern graveside services that signal a deep discomfort with the dirt required for burial. We want to bury folks, but only if it can be clean and contained…
So yeah, for that reason, I also advocate for people to stop spending so much on these luxurious caskets and placing them in these water-tight vaults. Find a cemetery that doesn’t require the body placed in a vault. Buy a cheap box that will break down easily for the body. The story of the resurrection of Lazarus makes clear that reversing these natural processes of decomposition and putrefaction is no struggle for God. We should have no fear of them.
Anticipating Pushback
Lots of folks respond defensively to this kind of instruction, saying these are deeply personal matters. A pastor has no right to tell people what to do. This is the same defense leveled against pastors who speak about sex and money. The thing is, folks, Christian leaders are supposed to tell people their business. It is the whole job. It isn’t to just build up, but also to tear down. We follow in a long tradition of prophets and apostles who spoke bravely against the cultures in which they lived, pointing toward a greater light. The way of Christ is marked by being ‘peculiar’ in a number of ways. Some of these ways have to do with what is commonly seen as very private and personal.
Rather than taking offense, consider my words. What if my instructions would lead to a lot more peace for families? What if these things would lead to many more people grieving well in the face of loss? I don’t offer these thoughts because I want to make folks feel bad or because I like judging people. I honestly think American Christians would do well to reflect on these things. The way we die matters. It is a testimony to the truth we ostensibly share. We should die better.
“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”
- Matthew 10:28
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’”
- Luke 14:28-30
“For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”
- Romans 14:7-8
Jeffrey,
This is not "pushback," so much as bringing up something I'm not sure you've considered. Not everyone lives near the place they will be buried, so the option of not being cremated is viable for everyone.
Our family burial plot is back East. Our children are scattered all over the country. I have no idea where our grandchildren will be should we live to see them mature to adulthood. We have wills, insurance, and all the other necessary things in place (and please note: I mentioned a family burial plot, so we don't have to make that decision. And if we were to make that decision today, where would we choose, with everyone all over the place?).
So for us, and many others, cremation is really the only option. Many people today no longer all live in the same place where their parents and grandparents passed away, and there is no guarantee that children will be nearby when the time comes. And not to put too fine of a point on it, but my birth father was killed in a plane crash before I was born. There were no remains. Yet I have great confidence in the Lord that if my father had faith in Christ, remains or not, he is with Jesus, fully alive and in a fully resurrected body in Heaven. The Lord can deal with these issues.
Thanks for your perspective. I, too, am a huge proponent of getting these things in place and clearly communicating your wishes with heirs well before your death. Then, when the time comes, your family can mourn without guessing at what you wanted. I've lived through a great example of how comforting pre-planning can be when my mother passed, and a horrible example of no communication and very little pre-planning when my mother-in-law passed. The loving thing to do is prepare and communicate with your heirs!! Why make things harder than necessary on those you love?