It's a Boy!
Celebrating Rickman Baby #5 and Reflecting on the State of Babies & Families in My World
Big news in the Rickman household
I love being a father. So much of my life prior to marriage was spent alone. I had many nights of anguish and loneliness for many years, yearning for the intimacy of a family. During those years, I wondered earnestly if I might not ever have a family. I’m not particularly likable, nor am I exceptionally handsome. I have a habit of saying things people do not want to hear, and I am somewhat intolerant of people saying things I think are stupid or faithless.
Yet, in the fullness of time, God gave me Sara Beth. While we have certainly had disagreeable moments, the vast sum of our time has been marked with exceptional happiness. We learned to love dogs, and then we finally began to have children. Despite the trends of our present age, conceiving has not been difficult for us. We have spaced out our children every two years. The eldest, Susanna, is now seven years old, which means our fifth is on the way. This one will be a month late. The due date is July 3. If he is born on July 4, we cannot help but talk about making his middle name “Captain America.” Our first son’s middle name is Wolverine, so the precedent for superhero middle names has already been set. We keep saying, “We can’t do that to our parents,” but then we keep talking about it. I’m sure we’ll get over it.
We had our monthly checkup with the midwife this last week at the facility where Sara Beth has delivered three of our four children. Susanna was an emergency C-section because of a prolonged attempted breach labor, an experience that somewhat traumatized us both. The Lord was gracious to let my wife heal and then deliver our other children naturally, as is anticipated with #5. This appointment was with an ultrasound technician, who would do a series of scans on our little fetus. One of the things determined in this scan is the sex of our child, as the genitals are easily seen. The technician was kind enough to snap a picture and provide a little arrow pointing to the little man’s gear for us to see with certainty that we have another boy coming.
Our first children were surprises to us in the sense that we chose not to know the sex prior to birth. Yet with these latter two we have opted to find out. Jesse has badly wanted a little brother, so we did not want the day of delivery to be a day of disappointment. We would, of course, love and cherish a little girl. Even so, all of us have felt the need to love a little boy. This kid is going to be loved, not only by two parents, but by a big brother and three big sisters. He’s going to be so overloaded with love and attention.
Mindful of Those Who Struggle to Conceive
Our instant reaction was, of course, celebratory. Yet I cannot help but simultaneously feel sorrow for those who are not so fortunate as Sara Beth and myself. Just yesterday on my weekly live stream, I read comments from a brother-in-Christ named JP who was publicly asking for prayer that he and his wife might conceive. You might offer a prayer for them right now. So many hearts yearn to love a child. Fertility rates are precipitously declining around the more technologically and economically advanced parts of the world. Some of this is because younger generations are electing not to have children. Yet it is increasingly common that many couples, despite a sincere yearning to have children, simply cannot.
There are theories as to why this is. I’m personally partial to an explanation that involves 1) phthalates from pervasive plastic usage interfering with hormone production, 2) electromagnetic frequencies (EMFs) from wifi and cellular signals, and 3) increasing toxicity of the foodlike products people regularly consume. To the latter point, on top of purported affects of the Covid mRNA vaccine on reproductive health, it was reported recently that a large percent of Americans were found to have chlormequat in their bodies from products like Cheerios and Quaker Oats. This has potential implications for reproductive health. Not to mention that pretty much all the grains grown in America are doused in glyphosate. Our bodies are full of toxins from unscrupulous food and pharmaceutical companies. If you haven’t considered my words on pharmaceuticals from last week, you can find that article here. I think the implications of these things are not only infertility, but inflammation, cancer, and eventually death. I believe we are being poisoned.
I think any couple that wants to conceive should not only pray for it, but also do an inventory of how much garbage they are eating. Our bodies are temples and should be treated accordingly. That means people who want healthy children should themselves be healthy, not only eating healthy food, but living active and joyful lives. Too many people at my stage in life have sedentary lives. Moreover, many entertain drug habits that affect the health of any babies they might conceive. I once watched a documentary on the rising number of babies who are born addicted to meth. Of course, we have known the impact of alcohol consumption while pregnant for some time.
Rising Rates of Mental Disability Among Children
This ties into another subject, that of the rising number of children who are born with autism and other mental disabilities. Life-altering conditions that were once rare are being seen in greater frequency. While some autism and similar conditions are surely natural, it seems quite clear that this is also to some degree a problem of our own making. When we are reproducing less, and a greater proportion of our children will never be able to function as adults, we are looking at huge downstream consequences.
Even so, I need to acknowledge that people with disabilities, mental and physical, are made in God’s image. They are sacred and as deserving of love and care as anyone else. The church will clearly be called to address these threatening demographic shifts much more explicitly and capably in the future. A conversation I had with David Watson, the father of an autistic son, discussed a bit about what such ministry might look like. Churches that cannot fathom ministry to the mentally disabled will be very stunted in their ability to minister to the next generations. It is incumbent upon us to lay the groundwork for such ministry now.
Foster Care & Adoption
Another demographic reality of our society is the huge number of children in foster care. A larger percentage of parents than ever have simply been unwilling or unable to step up to the task of parenthood. The children are suffering for lack of a loving home. Foster homes are, too often, inhospitable places. There are, of course, wonderful foster homes already. Just not enough. Not even close. We need a lot more of them. It is a hard way of life, in which children often have significant issues from trauma endured, and they sometimes have to go back to biological relatives.
Even so, it is a strange and sinful thing to have a society with so many people who want to become parents, so many children who need loving homes, and yet relatively few of them become foster parents. It is a clear Christian calling that too few answer. Sara Beth and I have already trained to become foster parents a few years ago, briefly taking a few children into our home. It is our intention to resume this when our children are older.
Adoption is a process that operates alongside of the foster care system, but it is perhaps also distinct from it. I am not as familiar with that process, but it clearly needs to happen, given the state of children in our world, as the paragraph above referenced.
In Vitro is a Problem, Folks
The biological urge is very strong in people, so they often seek medical intervention in order to gain their own children. I do not think there is anything wrong with wanting one’s own children. I do think there is something wrong with the process of in vitro fertilization in that it requires the death of multiple viable embryos in order to make one life possible. Some folks don’t know this: When the process is done, multiple eggs are usually used at the same time. The doctor attempts to successfully inject sperm into all of them, then only selects one of them for implantation, either throwing out the rest, or freezing them to perhaps be brought to fruition at a later date. The calculus here is very wrong. If the only way to create life is to simultaneously destroy it, that price it morally too high, especially for believers. There are nonprofit efforts to give frozen embryos a chance at life. An interview my wife and I did with Nate and Holly Fugate, a Global Methodist clergy and wife, detailed these efforts, as Holly herself chose to be implanted with embryos to offer life to those that had been discarded. Even so, the efforts of earnest believers are not enough to compensate for the massive number of people churning out these embryos. I wish the practice would stop. I wish more Christians saw the moral decay this causes. Folks who say they are against abortion regularly participate in this. It should not be so.
Also, Surrogacy…Not Good
These things also tie into the more recent issue of surrogacy. Gay couples, or rich women that do not want to go through pregnancy, will simply pay another woman to carry a baby in their womb and then give it to them. The system obviously preys upon poor women. It also cheapens the biological bond between parents and children. It is one thing to adopt an unrelated child. It is another thing to buy one on consumer demand.
What is at root with many of these problems is an unwillingness of people to reckon with the reality of limitations. Folks would rather pursue extreme options of medical intervention and human trafficking than learn to love needy children. I know that sounds harsh. But isn’t that what is happening?
Acknowledging My Privilege
It must seem very cruel for me to write about these things while simultaneously having none of the struggles that lead to such decisions being made. These are topics in which feelings run hot and heavy. Appeals are angrily made to let people do what is right in their own eyes. We must remember that the misery of the era of the Judges was caused by people “doing what was right in their own eyes.” When left to our own devices, humans are picked off by sin. Our society needs churches and Christians to speak out on these things, lest people ignore the moral implications of what they do.
Can we not all agree that our society would be much better if 1) people treated their bodies better, 2) we had more happy families with healthy children, and 3) parents who couldn’t reproduce would adopt and/or foster children? It is worth taking some time to imagine such a society.
Our lives are not our own. We belong to God. Those of us who are fortunate to be of sound mind and healthy bodies are morally obligated to serve future generations by raising up functional, healthy, productive children.
I explained to the children at my church last week that, in the days of Christ, many people named their baby boys ‘Jesus.’ The name comes from the same root at the name ‘Joshua,’ and it means ‘savior’ or ‘salvation.’ Last night my son, Jesse, walked into the room I was in and asked, “Why do parents name their children ‘Savior’?”
“Well, lots of parents are raising their children to make the world a better place. They cannot save the world like Jesus did, taking the sins of the world upon themselves. But many children will grow up to help the weak, defend the poor and needy, bind up the brokenhearted. Your mother and I are raising you to do just that. We hope all of our children will one day do their part to minister to the world in that way.”
While I feel pity for those less fortunate than Sara Beth and myself, and I know how privileged we are, I also think it is important for me to say that I am not ashamed of such privilege, nor do I think I should feel guilty for holding these positions that also benefit me. I disagree with the modern notion that we need to defer to the most disadvantaged among us for moral virtue. I disagree that the standard set for all of us should be set at the low water mark.
A Small Caveat
The main caveat I need to make here is for holy celibates. Scripture says that those who do not burn with passion would do well not to get married at all. Of course, marriage between a man and woman is the only acceptable setting in which to raise children. So what is to be said about numerous people who elect not to get married and to instead glorify God in singleness? I would say they are still obligated to become spiritual parents to others in their churches. There is no scenario in which Christians should live self-oriented lives. Our lives are meant to be poured out for others. It is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we pardoned. It is in dying that we are born to eternal life. These things are all fundamentally centered on God and others at the expense of our selfish interests. That is what biological fatherhood naturally engenders in a man. That is what being a child of God requires of all who follow Christ, regardless of if they have their own children.
Why This Matters
Large families are increasingly disdained and resented by prosperous societies. Modern environmental propaganda has convinced people that the global population is way too big. Families like mine are seen as taking up valuable resources that are in increasingly short supply. The DINKs phenomenon a few months ago was an open campaign to mock families like mine.
Meanwhile abortion has been normalized across the ‘civilized’ world. At this point billions of lives have been snuffed out in the womb, more than 30 million of them in the US. The barbarity and disrespect for life pervading most ‘advanced’ economies will ring through eternity as abomination.
Children are not disposable or optional creatures for those of us who create them. They are dear and precious gifts from the Lord of lights. It is a great honor to raise a few of them to the Lord. We see it increasingly as an act of rebellion against this age, and a form of spiritual warfare.
In five months, when my wife goes through the process of labor, God willing, for the fifth time, we will welcome into our lives a precious little boy that we do not yet know. But the Lord knows him:
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”
- Psalm 139:13-16
So much of life is a gamble. I didn’t know who my wife would become when I married her. I had no idea who each of my children would be. The process of finding out is one of life’s greatest joys. I’m genuinely sorrowful for those in this current culture who think that life is supposed to be lived in optional relationships. The more long-term non-optional close relationships we have, the better off we are. A holy Christian family is one of the best guarantors of health and happiness in this life and, I believe, in the life to come.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.”
- Psalm 127:3-5
My anxieties as a father are largely about what these children are going to put me through when they become teenagers. Odds are they will help me go grey. My folks said that curse over me when I was a child for giving them such a hard time. But like my Savior, Jesus, I gladly suffer for those whom I love. As I pour my life out for them, I will know more about my Father in heaven who likewise is a loving father, perpetually disappointed and hurt by my sins, but choosing to love me despite them.
Again With the Holy Celibates
I again want to affirm holy celibates. I know and love many of them. The way I read Jesus and Paul, their calling is actually a higher one. I would not want to give the impression of a corrective for them. I just know a majority of people pair off sexually, most of whom are currently doing a bad job reckoning with the realities of reproduction and child-rearing. Most churches are trying just to keep from offending people on these topics rather than describing a comprehensive theology of sexuality and family.
A Final Warning & Call to Repentance
We don’t get to write our own rules with this stuff. Technology/Science/Medicine gives us the illusion of choice and control. There are ways in which the Lord does indeed give us authority in the world to make free choices, but only some of those are acceptable in his sight. People should be much more governed by fear of the Lord than the desires of their own hearts, even and especially when it comes to family.
“The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
“I the Lord search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve.””
- Jeremiah 17:9-10
We would do well to reclaim the norms of our forefathers and foremothers rather than continuing on these newer paths. It is true that new tech has made new life possible, but the cost has been too great. God brings good out of bad all of the time; that doesn’t make bad things good. We need to have more discernment on these things. The alternative will be marked with much more death and sadness.
I need to wrap this thing up. I started off happy and then went into a bunch of things that are wrong with the world. This is how my mind works. I can’t just let a pure good thing stay disconnected from this impure world. Every gift from our good God becomes something we then want to protect. For the sake of my children, there are battles to fight right now. This is my spiritual combat. I invite you to join me in speaking about these truths, standing against innovations in the concept of family that lead to misery, and intentionally foster healthy, holy families aimed at being salt and light in a dark and bland world.
As Martin Luther said, every family is a little church. We have a mission to beat back the gates of hell. We do that by walking in the light together despite the darkness around us, trusting that the darkness ultimately has no power over us, as it cannot possibly comprehend the light.
Thanks for considering my thoughts. God bless you.
Excellent article.
There are hard truths about this broken world with which people need to come to grips. Family matters always seem the hardest, because most people don't want the challenge of growing with a family which is outside of their own ideal and control; so the further you get from the "self-designed family" the harder it hurts for many.
Congratulations to you and your wife for the blessing of another precious child, one that I pray grows to be a blessing to the world just as the child's parents have come to be a blessing to so many around the world today!