Sara Beth and I cannot get to the gym anymore. We tried for a couple of years, paying for a membership to Westfit here in Nowata. It is a fantastic gym with friendly people and very decent gear. I would highly recommend it as a part of your life.
The problem for us is that we have four small children and we irregularly need one another for support as different children go through things on their own schedule rather than ours. That means things happen when I’m away at the gym, so I get back to a flustered wife and kids in crisis sometimes. I can justify this absence for a pastoral visit or office hours, but it came to be too taxing to go to the gym. It was easier just to stay home or at church and be available.
So we got some gym gear, which showed up in the mail a few weeks ago. A squat rack we ordered had supports that were just a little too tall for our ceiling. I called a capable friend to come help me to remove some of the ceiling in the basement in order to fit everything in just right. It went pretty well until I pushed into the parsonage’s water line with an electric saw. Suddenly, gallons of water were shooting out from the hole in the ceiling, covering the basement floor with water mixed with ceiling dust.
This qualifies as an emergency in the Rickman household. Water damages things. It was already damaging the ceiling, but it would soon jeopardize lots of other things. I had to move quickly to shut the water off. The problem was that I wasn’t sure where the shut-off was, or if we even had one, inside the house. My friend went and turned our knob on the main water valve in the front yard, but nothing happened. Sara Beth and I scrambled to get buckets and trash cans while our children scurried around our feet.
At this point, disoriented and stressed, my temptation is to scream and curse, throw my kids out of the way, throw things in anger. Yet I can’t afford to do those things. I’m a man of God, tasked with modeling godly behavior for my wife and kids, not to mention my poor friend. The fire department was on the way by the time my friend went and turned the water valve knob just a little further, which finally had the effect of stopping the flow.
The rest of the day was spent cleaning up, obviously. I was relieved to find that the bulk of the water seeped into the ground through the crack between the foundation and the basement wall. Even so, the day on which I had hoped to rest was filled with work I had not planned on. The Rickman family rests and relaxes on Saturdays. We don’t spent all day cleaning messes. Making all this worse, of course, was that it was all my fault: I had been the one with the saw that went into the water line.
A natural reaction to all this would be anger. Many would be grumpy and mean to their families for the rest of the day. I did indeed need to take space for a bit in order to avoid saying or doing anything regrettable. I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be. Even so, I’m glad to be able to say that I did not give in to the fleshly part of myself.
I’m not telling this story in order to brag on myself. I hope you note the parts in which I confess stupidity and imperfection. Rather, I’m telling this story because I know all of you, at one point or another, have similar situations in your lives. Sometimes the crisis is quick and manageable like mine. Something like a fender bender, or an unexpected bill, or an overdraft fee, or a meeting that you forgot about and have to present at, or a neighbor shows up and imposes on you. Many times, the crisis is greater: A serious car crash, a death in the family, losing a job or a home, the revelation of infidelity, the decision to divorce.
It does not matter who we are when life is easy. It matters how we treat others, how we comport ourselves, when we are under deep stress. In those times of anxiety, what is exposed is our innermost selves. Have I been training my innermost self to sustain pressure and be good to others around me? Or have I instead felt entitled to ease and pleasure, now responding in anger and nastiness when I am deprived of my entitlement?
Jesus was perfect in everything he did. How did he respond in the crisis of being arrested, tried, and crucified? When Stephen went through the same thing, ending in stoning, how did he comport himself? As Peter, Paul, and the other apostles were persecuted and hated, chased from town to town, did they give in to base desires? The last couple of thousand years are filled with stories of martyrs and saints who maintained their righteousness in the midst of persecution, sorrow, and pain.
Methodists, in our Articles of Religion, renounce a doctrine called SUPEREROGATION. It is the notion that there is some kind of lowest common denominator standard for all believers, and some folks can go beyond that, becoming more holy than what is required for salvation. We create this false notion that there is some kind of cheap grace option for believers that doesn’t require much self-control or sacrifice. We can still behave badly when we don’t get our way, losing our heads when life gets intense, and still be welcome in Christ’s Kingdom.
Those who are right with Jesus know that there is only one standard to be saved, and it is the standard of Christ himself. This same Christ did not lose his head when frustrated or threatened. Though he did get angry, his was a righteous and rightly-directed anger. Though he did escalate to match the intensity of the situation, he did not allow circumstances to master him. Rather, he modeled poise and dignity in the midst of much suffering, not just at the cross, but throughout his life.
As is true in so many ways, we cannot match a standard we aren’t even aiming at. I fear too many who claim the name of Christ feel entitled to bad behavior from time to time. I wanted to submit to you that we are judged, not at our strongest, but at our weakest. If you have allowed yourself to become hateful and hurtful in the midst of your own anxiety, I wanted to invite you to stop being so permissive of sin. Repent. Do better. By the power of the Holy Spirit, master your temper, your desire to control, your entitlement to peace and pleasure. Do not be a stumbling block to anyone. Do not bear the name of the Lord in vain.
In our weakness, our helplessness, we should lean upon the Lord, so that even if waters are falling upon our heads and threatening to ruin everything we have, we can trust in the Lord and take comfort in him. May we all know such a mature faith, that we might be recognized as a generation of mature believers when we appear before Christ’s judgment seat. In closing, a scripture:
“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!
“If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life lame or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the everlasting fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire.”
Matthew 18:6-9
This may sound silly but I sometimes "do the opposite of what I want to do" just as George Costanza did on an episode of Seinfeld with good success. For example, instead of getting angry at someone, I will laugh. It is not easy to do but if you can manage it, it can work. Any way to diffuse a bad or difficult situation is a good thing. Humor, if you can, is a way , or a quick prayer "Lord, help me!". 🙏 Of course when you do laugh at a bad situation in front of your spouse, he or she may think you have completely lost your mind!
My friend from church is an example and inspiration for me. She has suffered much tragedy in her life. Despite the sadness she told me she "chooses to be happy". God has blessed her with a long and mostly healthy life.