For many people you are striking a common chord. My experiences that were somewhat similar to yours were hunting game for food (doves, deer). The blood and getting messy in field dressing, butchering, and so on, were necessary to make the experience really "real," made the experience what it was: so much different from the "clean," de-humanized killing of virtual people in video games that urbanized kids and adults play now.
For many people you are striking a common chord. My experiences that were somewhat similar to yours were hunting game for food (doves, deer). The blood and getting messy in field dressing, butchering, and so on, were necessary to make the experience really "real," made the experience what it was: so much different from the "clean," de-humanized killing of virtual people in video games that urbanized kids and adults play now.